Write Jokes about Ashfur here![]
@$$fur's Apprentice[]
Firestar: "Birchpaw, your mentor will be @$$fur."
Birchpaw: "@$$fur? Your name should be @$$hole!"
@$$fur: *offended*
Birchpaw: "Awwwww, is the baby going to cry?"
@$$fur: "Yes I am! I'm going to my mommy! *runs off crying*"
Firestar: "Retard..."
Squirrelflight: "Your mom's dead, stupid."
*Curtain*
~ Lucky
@$$kit and Brindleface[]
Brindleface: "I will name them Fernkit and @$$kit. Fernkit because I am bored and @$$kit because of his huge @$$. Uh oh!"
@$$kit: *FARTS*
Brindleface: "AHHHH!" *dies*
*Curtain*
~ Rainy
@$$fur Pokemon[]
Owner: "Go, @$$fur!"
*@$$fur comes out of @$$ball*
Owner: "@$$fur! Use fart!"
@$$fur: *uses fart*
*enemy faints*
Owner: "We did it, @$$fur!"
*Curtain*
~ Lucky
Destruction of the Forest[]
Twoleg: "AHHHHHH it's @$$fur! Let's use our powerful monsters to kill him or make him move so we don't have to smell his @$$ every day!"
Other Twolegs: "YEAH!"
Firestar: "Blackstar, Tallstar, and Leopardstar let's move quick before @$$-"
*@$$fur walks out of warrior den*
@$$fur: "Are we leaving now!? The monsters are coming!"
Firestar: "Damn it, Cinderpelt. I told you to give him a bunch of poppy seeds for sleeping. Now we have to smell his @$$ the whole way to the new home."
Cinderpelt: "I did! It must have just passed through his @$$hole!"
All Leaders: "DAMN IT!"
*At the lake...*
Blackstar: "What is that awful smell on all of my she-cat warriors?"
Leopardstar: "My warriors smell like it too! YUCK!"
Tallstar: "Yuck! Mine too! It smells of...of @$$! Firestar, Onewhisker, Brambleclaw come here."
All: "Yes, Tallstar?"
Tallstar: "I'm dying because of that awful smell. I want Onewhisker as leader now not Mudclaw." *dies*
Onewhisker: "WHAT!?!?!?"
Brambleclaw: "Let's tell everyone."
*After they told everyone...*
*Firestar calls Squirrelpaw to his den*
Firestar: "It was @$$fur's @$$ smell that made Tallstar die. I need you to break up with Brambleclaw, go to @$$fur, and go back to Brambleclaw."
Squirrelpaw: "Ewww, NO! Why!?"
Firestar: "I had a vision that a black she-cat with green eyes will kill him because of it. No body wants that smell and big @$$ lurking around. I had to expand the warriors den TEN TIMES! His @$$ keeps getting bigger!"
Squirrelpaw: "Ew, still no."
Firestar: "I'll make you a warrior right now and make you deputy when Brambleclaw dies."
Squirrelpaw: "YAY! I love you daddy!"
*Later in front of all the Clans*
Firestar: "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Squirrelpaw, from this moment you will be known as Squirrelflight. StarClan honors your courage and determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
Everyone else: "Squirrelflight, Squirrelflight!"
Squirrelflight: "The only bad part is sharing a den with @$$fur."
*Later in a whole new series...*
@$$fur: "Hollyleaf! No!" *dies*
Hollyleaf: *parties!*
*Curtain*
~ Rowan
The Adventures of @$$fur![]
Dappletail: "Damn it! No! Give me the rabbit and you guys can have @$$fur's @$$."
Firestar: "Hell no! Your not eating the rabbit and that's final!"
Dappletail: "When did you turn into my mother?! I'm eating the rabbit!" *eats rabbit*
Graystripe: "What the hell where you thinking Dappletail?! You just ate a poisoned rabbit you dumb @$$!"
@$$fur: "Anyone hungry for my @$$?"
Firestar: "Hell fucking no, now get out now boy!"
@$$fur: "But my @$$ is now tender from me sitting on it for three hours, and it's warm also."
Leafpool: "I'm leaving now, the twolegs will capture my @$$, which I'm fine with, I don't want to deal with the fucker named @$$fur." *leaves to get captured*
Dappletail: *starts coughing and then falls over and dies*
Firestar: "Weird, are you sure no one put some of @$$fur's @$$ in that rabbit?"
Sandstorm: "Nope."
Graystripe: "Nuh uh."
Frostfur: "It was me."
Everyone: "WHAT?!"
Frostfur: "I THOUGHT @$$FUR WAS GOING TO EAT IT! THEN HE WOULD DIE FROM EATING HIS OWN @$$!"
Firestar: "Oh, @$$fur!"
@$$fur: "Yes sir?"
Firestar: "Eat the remains of the rabbit."
@$$fur: "Yes sir! *eats remains of the rabbit* IT TASTES TERRIBLE!" *falls over and dies*
Everyone: "YAY!"
*Curtain*
~ Rainy
@$$fur and the Badgers[]
*@$$fur walks to fresh kill pile*
Firestar: "I'm not going near that food."
Sandstorm: "You said it."
Leafpool and Squirrelflght: "Yeah!"
Cinderpelt: "What is that AWFUL smell?!"
Everyone else: "@$$fur."
Leafpool: "Well, I'm going to run away with Crowfeather so I don't have to smell his @$$."
Firestar: "Bye bye!"
*With Leafpool and Crowfeather*
Crowfeather: "Hey, it's Midnight! Hey Midnight!"
Midnight: "Hello, Crowpaw!"
Crowfeather: "Crowfeather!"
Midnight: "Whatever! My kin attack because of @$$ smelling cat! Warn Clans I go. Come to you should!"
Leafpool: "Okay let's go!"
*Back at ThunderClan*
Firestar: "AHHH Badgers! @$$fur! Use your @$$!"
@$$fur: "Yes sir, yes." *uses @$$*
Firestar: "Let @$$fur fight them by himself! He's obviously gonna win!"
*Everyone else sits back and enjoys fresh kill that @$$fur didn't touch!*
Sandstorm: "This is awesome!"
Brambleclaw: "You said it!"
Graystripe and Firestar: "Yes!"
*WindClan enters with Midnight...*
Firestar: "Hey, Onestar! Bring your Clan and Minight and watch @$$fur fight!"
Onestar: "Okay!"
*Everyone watches @$$fur fight until all badgers are gone*
@$$fur: "We did it! Wow, you guys look like you haven't been harmed!"
Firestar: "Er...yeah we did it! And everyone knows that WindClan and ThunderClan NEVER get harmed!"
Onestar: "DUH!"
Leafpool: "Help, Cinderpelt's dying because of the smell that will last forever!"
Cinderpelt: *dies*
Firestar: "NOOO!"
Everyone: "BLAME @$$FUR!"
@$$fur: "Great StarClan! NOOOOO!"
*Curtain*
~ Rowan
@$$fur, The Odd Side, Note, Several Short Films[]
SCENE ONE:
Firestar: "@$$fur, just stop crying and talk to her."
@$$fur: "But I haven't seen her in so long!"
Firestar: "Just fucking talk to her!"
@$$fur: "WHY?!"
Firestar: "She's your fucking mother! Just talk to her!"
SCENE TWO:
Squirrelflight: "STOP SHOVING YOUR @$$ IN MY FACE!"
@$$fur: "Admit you like it!"
Squirrelflight: "I am leaving you for Brambleclaw now!"
SCENE THREE:
@$$fur: "KEEP YOUR CLAWS AWAY FROM ME, LIONPAW!"
Lionpaw: "Hell fucking no! You give the worst fucking training ever!"
@$$fur: "Okay, now, just breathe and try to relax."
Lionpaw: "NO!"
SCENE FOUR:
Leafpool: "Leave Squirrelflight's kits alone."
@$$fur: "WHAT THE FUCK?! THEY ARE SO SOFT AND CUDDLY! I COULD EAT THEM!" *tries to eat Jaykit*
Leafpool: "Get your fucking sweaty paws the hell off him."
SCENE FIVE:
Sandstorm: "I'm happy because I don't have to mentor @$$paw!"
Fireheart: "But I thought you wanted an apprentice!"
Sandstorm: "I do, but not @$$paw!"
Fireheart: "I didn't say you had to mentor him!"
@$$paw: "What the..? Is she my mentor! Yay!" *kisses*
Fireheart: "YOUR @$$ IS DEAD!"
*Curtains*
~ Rainy
Ashfur and the Elder Swear![]
Squirrelflight: "Get the hell away from me, Ashfur!"
Ashfur: "No!"
Clan: "YES!"
Ashfur: "Then listen to this Squirrelflight. Your mother is a *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* ing *BEEP* lorem ipsum *BEEP BEEP BEEP* admenumvenium *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* trrragula *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* hippopotamus *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* Republican *BEEP BEEP BEEP* ing DanielRadcliffe *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* with a bucket of *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* in a castle far away where no one can hear you *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* soup *BEEP BEEP BEEP* with a bucket of *BEEP BEEP* Mickey Mouse *BEEP BEEP* with a stick of dynamite *BEEEPPP* magical *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* ALAKAZAM!"
Sandstorm: "What the hell did you just say about me?"
Ashfur: "None of your fucking business."
*Curtain*
~ Rainy
The Real Cause of Tigerstar's Death[]
Tigerstar: *introduces Scourge and BloodClan and then sniffs the air* "What the hell is that smell?!"
@$$paw: "I don't know." *nose is plugged so doesn't have to smell @$$*
Firestar: "GOD DAMN IT @$$PAW! GO CLEAN YOURSELF!"
Tigerstar: *starts coughing and hacking*
Tawnypaw: "OMG! DADDY! HE'S LOSING A LIFE! SOMEONE HELP HIM!"
*Cricket chirps*
Tawnypaw: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? HE'S FUCKING DYING! HELP HIS @$$!"
*Cricket chirps*
Tigerstar: "Tawnypaw, it's that smell. I will- AH!" *loses a life*
Tawnypaw: "OH NO!"
Tigerstar: "Help me! AH!" *loses another life*
Bramblepaw: "Damn, he loses lives fast."
Tigerstar: "Bramblepaw! Help! AH!" *loses another life*
Firestar: "Come on @$$paw! He's down to 7 lives."
Tigerstar: "AH!" *loses another life*
Firestar: "Er, 6. Keep the smell coming!"
@$$paw: "Okay."
Tigerstar: "No! AH!" *loses another life*
Everyone: "5!"
Tigerstar: "STOP! AH!" *loses another life*
Everyone: "4!"
Tigerstar: "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! AH!" *loses another life*
Everyone: "3!"
Tigerstar: "Please! Help! AH!" *loses another life*
Everyone: "2!"
Tigerstar: "Please! For the sake of me! AH!" *loses another life*
Everyone: "1"!
Tigerstar: "GOODBYE WORLD! I SHALL MISS YOU! AH!" *loses last life*
Everyone: "0! YAY! LETS PARTY! WOOHOO!"
*They party!*
*Curtain*
-Rainfacestar
@$$fur's Life[]
*The day @$$fur was born*
Brindleface: "Fernkit and @$$kit are their names."
Fireheart: "I can see why you named that one @$$kit."
Sandpaw: "Fireheart! I'm getting my warrior name!"
Fireheart: "Coming!" *runs outside*
*At Ceremony*
Bluestar: "I give you your warrior warrior name, Sandstorm."
Sandstorm: *touches noses with Bluestar*
Brindleface: *pads out of nursery with Fernkit* "Gosh, it smells in there!"
Fernkit: "@$$kit's @$$ is making a terrible smell!"
Bluestar: "Damn it, someone shove something up his @$$, I can smell it from here!"
Dustpelt: "I feel sorry for whoever has to mentor him."
*At @$$kit's and Fernkit's apprentice ceremonies*
Bluestar: "Dustpelt."
Dustpelt: "Yes, Bluestar?"
Bluestar: "You shall be the mentor of @$$paw."
Dustpelt: "Oh, damn it!"
*While training @$$paw*
Dustpelt: *has clothes pin on nose so can't smell* "Alright, I want you to go catch some prey."
@$$paw: "Okay!" *creeps up on a squirrel but it runs away* "Damn it! It ran away!"
Dustpelt: "It can probably smell your @$$."
*At @$$paw's warrior ceremony*
Firestar: "I give you your new name, @$$fur."
Everyone: "@$$FUR, @$$FUR!"
Dustpelt: "I am SO glad I am done training his @$$."
Ferncloud: "Be quiet, new mate."
@$$fur: "Damn sister! She gets a mate faster then me!"
Everyone: "Shut the fuck up, @$$fur!"
*@$$fur's break up with Squirrelflight*
Squirrelflight: "That's it @$$fur! I don't fucking love you! I did this all so my dad would make me deputy if Brambleclaw died!"
@$$fur: *offended*
*At Birchkit's apprentice ceremony*
Firestar: "Birchpaw, your mentor will be @$$fur."
Birchpaw: "Not his @$$! Firestar! Can't you give me a different mentor? Not the one that can't clean himself because of his @$$!"
Everyone: *takes a few fox-length steps away from @$$fur*
@$$fur: *offended*
Birchpaw: "Stop acting like a kit, you @$$hole!"
*@$$fur's death*
Hollyleaf: "I am going to kill your @$$ so I don't have to smell it everynight anymore!"
@$$fur: "Hollyleaf! Nooooo!"
Hollyleaf: *snarls and kills him*
*@$$fur in StarClan*
Bluestar: "I am so glad @$$fur isn't here." *smells his @$$* "Oh shit, who killed @$$fur?"
Spottedleaf: "God damn it! If he stays here, he'll kill us all again!"
Snowfur: "God! Bluestar! Do something!"
Bluestar: "Okay, everyone put on your monster faces."
Everyone: "Okay!" *puts on monster faces*
@$$fur: *walks into StarClan*
Everyone: *scares @$$fur*
@$$fur: "CRAP!" *runs towards the Dark Forest*
Mosskit: "Let's party our @$$'s off!"
Everyone: *parties*
*Curtain*
~ Rainy
@$$fur and StarClan[]
Yellowfang: "What are you doing here?"
@$$fur: "Hollyleaf killed me."
Yellowfang: "First of all, you aren't supposed to be here. Second of all, I need to go visit Hollyleaf in her dreams and give her a medal." *leaves*
*When she comes back...*
Yellowfang: "Now you need to leave."
@$$fur: "Why? My only crime was 'loving too much'!"
Yellowfang: "First of all, no, second of all, we can't have a cat named @$$fur in StarClan! Everyone would route for the Dark Forest! And we don't need the stink!"
Crowd: "BOOO!" *holds up pro Dark Forest signs and puts clothes pins on noses* "BOOO @$$fur!"
Mob of angry StarClan cats: "GET that @$$ out of here!"
Yellowfang: "You heard the mob, out."
@$$fur: "Fine." *sighs and walks away*
Hollyleaf: *appears* "Thanks for the medal!"
Yellowfang: "You earned it! You got rid of @$$fur!"
Hollyleaf: "I'm happy, but I'm gonna go kill myself."
Yellowfang: "Okay."
~ Spotz (I'm not good at writing funny jokes, I only wrote two jokes and they're both suckish.)
High Points in @$$fur's Life[]
Dustpelt: *is whistling* "MY F***ING STARCLAN! What is that smell?"
Fernkit: "Ewww! My brother!" *puts tiny clothespin on nose*
Dustpelt: "I'm glad I'm not a mentor, I don't have to smell that @$$ all day."
Fernkit: "Yea, thank StarClan for you. I'm HIS F***ING SISTER."
Dustpelt: "YOU'RE ABOUT ONE DAY OLD? HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWEAR?"
*Later, at @$$kit's Apprentice Ceremony...*
Dustpelt: "I feel sorry for whoever has to mentor him. I mean, having to smell his @$$ all day? I'd kill myself. Thank StarClan there's no way Bluestar would make me a mentor."
Bluestar: "And Dustpelt is his mentor!"
Dustpelt: "Crap." *kills self*
Bluestar: "Okay then... I guess Fireheart will take him on as his apprentice!"
Fireheart: "Crap, be right back." *goes to where Dustpelt's body lay and touched his nose to it. Stars glitter and he comes back to life*
Dustpelt: "Crap, fine."
@$$paw: "Doesn't anyone care I'm insulted by this?"
*Cricket noise*
@$$fur: "You broke my heart, Squirrelflight! So I must kill your kits!"
Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze: *is trapped in fire*
Squirrelflight: "No! How will you kill them? Burn them to death?"
@$$fur: "NO! I will make them smell my @$$!"
Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze: *looks at each other then jumps into flaming camp*
Squirrelflight: *shouts after them* "You made the best choice!" *chokes on @$$ smell and jumps into flaming camp after the cats*
*Later*
Firestar: "@$$fur, go on hunting patrol."
@$$fur: *sigh* "Fine." *walks away*
Firestar: *calls clan meeting* "Okay, now for the vote. Raise your tail if you think we should kill @$$fur!"
Everybody: *raises all tails*
Firestar: "Okay, who votes I do it?"
Everybody: *raises all tails*
Firestar: "Who votes Graystripe does it?"
Everybody: *raises all tails*
Firestar: "Who votes Lionblaze does it?"
Everybody: *raises all tails*
Firestar: "Who votes-"
Hollyleaf: "Hey all, I killed @$$fur."
Everybody: *cheers*
Hollyleaf: "Well, now I'm off to kill myself."
Everybody: *cheers*
*Curtain*
~ Spotz
How Hawkfrost Really Died[]
Hawkfrost: *humming* "La la la be bum dum dum ba la bum! Dada dada dada bum, la da da da le da, na na na na, bum bum bum bum bum, da dum, la la la la la bum bum, DANCING IN THE RAIN!"
*Starts to rain*
Hawkfrost: *still humming* "Lala bum dum la de da do dum bam ba dum la la la de da bum bum le da bum bum la la la la la la la de so la fe so me something! Se de de la la la bum bum bum ba da, bum bum." *hums in that same rhythm for a long while afterwards*
Brambleclaw: "I'm bored."
@$$fur: "Wanna PLAY?"
Brambleclaw: *runs away down tunnel, but finds Hawkfrost blocking the way* "GET OUT OF THE F***ING WAY, HAWKFROST!" *wounds Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: *lays dying* "Save me, @$$fur!"
@$$fur: "OKAY!" *walks closer*
Hawkfrost: "Oh crap, that smell, it's killing me!" *falls over dead*
*Curtains*
~ Spotz